Many of us grew up hearing things like, “marriage is hard” or “relationships are hard work.” These generalized statements should come with a disclaimer. If I could write that disclaimer it would say, “if you are with the wrong person.” Let that sink in for a minute. “Relationships are hard work…if you are with the wrong person.”
Yes, every relationship will have to endure hard times, but the hard times should not be the result of the relationship itself. The hard times should not be the result of the two of you having different values, incompatible personality types, or disagreements on life goals. Hard times should be circumstances that are tough in life whether single or coupled up, such as the death of a loved one, loss of a job, health issues, the birth of children, meddling family members, a coronavirus pandemic, etc…
If you are dating someone and it feels hard, you are with the wrong person. If you are dating someone and you fight all the time, you are with the wrong person. If on a regular basis, they make you sad, disappointed, frustrated, angry, jealous, or self-conscious, you are with the wrong person. If you have broken up and gotten back together multiple times, you are with the wrong person.
The next time you are in a fight with the person you are dating, ask yourself, “Is this how I want to live the rest of my life?”
Do you really want to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life? Do you really want to cry and rage multiple times a week or month? Do you really want to live with someone who treats you this way? Would you want your children witnessing this? Would you want your grandmother witnessing this?
The purpose of dating is to determine if you are a good fit for a life together. If you can’t get along, you are with the wrong person. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It doesn’t mean they aren’t wonderful or have amazing qualities. It simply means that the two of you aren’t a good fit. You saw some red flags early in the relationship but hoped things would change. They won’t.
So acknowledge it, break up, and move on. Do not marry that person. They are not a good fit, and that’s okay to admit.
Your person is out there.